*An idea stolen shamelessly from Mr. Noord.  (Although I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to offer such hilarious commentary.)

 

But I do agree wholeheartedly that these search gems shouldn’t be left to the archival hallows of the wordpress e-ether and should rather be shared for the ridiculousness they are.

 

And hell, I don’t care how people get here, as long as they come back:

•  rub your breast with vicks (feel the burn, baby, feel the burn)
• round turds (not getting enough fibre, perhaps?)
• binne poes pienk (a lovely shade indeed.  Perfect for Bridesmaid’s dresses, it seems)
• snogmanay (my favourite holiday!)
• mammiferous (Scarlett O’Hara syndrome)
• girls big turds (girl’s don’t do that sort of thing.  Really.  Pfft.)
• boobies and paint (= a whole lotta fun)
• wynberg military hospital (I am NOT undergoing any experimental testing.  Seriously.)
• cold breath dark (better than morning breath bad)
• rubber vita pictures (Not on your life, bucko)
• dirty birthday jokes (This bottle of Handy Andy walks into a bar….)
• alone girl (not me *grin*)
• dick kukard cape town (Another Clive Clussler Classic)
• la dolce vita wimbledon (My secret womble identity revealed!)
• works sucks  (you think?)
• story nurse “first penis” (It was a dark and stormy night…)
• reverse cowgirl tips (make sure the horse hasn’t had too much fibre)
• etiquettes for boys articles (boys can never has too many etiquettes)
• politician falls off chair (No comment…still giggling)
• dolce penis (For the last time….I do not have a penis.  Not even a “first penis”.  But I am rather fond of them.)
• How to make a wanking machine (some people are sooooooo lazy)
• Fallate me now (I find chocolates and flowers work better than demands, young man. Pffft)
• Granny Poen (Well, Grannies need a little lovin’ too, I suppose)
• Penis hamburger (Would you like fries with that, Mrs Bobbit?)
• Redrow fishpaste (Not so much, thanks.  *gag*)
• Lesbians in Benoni (I’m sure there are. Lots.  With tow trucks.  And stuff.)
• the song about a whale with bad breath (no doubt with a cunning google ad for orca dentistry)
• eucadendron cheeky (and other impolite fynbos stories)
• stained jocks (should be burned)
• poen moves (Sheesh.  You mean you don’t expect it to just lie there?)
• huge calves (only if you’re an orca.  With or without bad breath)
• how to not get blisters of winkle picker (leave the winkles alone)
• marshmallow underwear poem (not to be worn in front of the fire)
• “Bristling” Used in a Song (the hedgehog love songs greatest hits)
• itching on bollocks (I have no experience here, sorry)
• all alone without a poen to call his own (transgender issues perhaps?)
• crack chafe (Ja. Ok.  I admit.  There was this one time….)
• stomach churning accidents (finding this blog, perhaps?)
• burning ring of fire (Oh, so you’ve also eaten at Mrs Pandiachis House of Curry?)
• Epic cleavage (The Dolly Parton Story)
• Weird leg muscle from bad shoes (*snort*)
• dolce twilight pussy (“Memories, all alone in the moonlight…”)
• Wedding readings for bikers (Harley be thy name…)
• tease me with furry slippers (you’ve got to be joking….these babies are staying right where they belong; toasting me own foots!)
• dark foreboding path (travelling the “c” roads of South Africa)
• women crush man in garbage truck fantasy (he left the toilet seat up, didn’t he?)
• This dark thing (that dark thing, here a thing, there a thing, everywhere a thing thing)
• a man lived by a sewer (Luxury, LUXURY.  When I was a lass, we licked the sewer clean, just for breakfast)
• Naked horse (You sick, sick people.  Say NEIGH to horse nudity!)
• Dork bone (is that tortology?)
• August rush raise it up piano partition (I’m not entirely sure what your point is?)
• Condoleezza rice vita (A new rice snack at a store near you!)
• Slut diaries (aaaaah.  Teh innerweb)
• Stokkies slippers (my mum’s got a pair you can have.  Please.  I’ll throw in a terry cloth robe and some hair curlers?)
• Insanity 749 (And other tales of flying SAA)
• Sorry, your comment has been rejected (Never!  I’m a comment fiend. I love comments.  Who said this?)
• Slut toes (Look, just because my toes like a little attention, doesn’t mean you can start with the name calling)
• I want to keep the stain (Yes Monica)
• Jumping out of a cake (Aliens invade the other side of the mountain)
• Where can I buy a corset in Cape Town (when you find out, can you please let me know?  Ta muchly!)
• Trourok designs (the evil machinations of the possessed wedding dress)
• Hen Party bitching problems (whole lotta women in a room? sex toys? booze? Someone getting hitched?  There is going to be bitching….deal with it)
• la shirt with machine gun (that Zuma’s started something, really)
• “not everything is about you” translation (But it *is* about me, in every language, dammit heh heh heh)