A moment

‘Guess who’s living here with the great undead
This paint-by-numbers life is fucking with my head
Once again’

She stared out the window for a moment. At the darkening mountain. Wondering when something might happen. Anything. Something that would fizz her blood. Mix it up. Make her feel alive. This gym, breakfast, work, lunch, work, dinner, TV, books, bed, sleep, gym life. This laundry, movies, family dinner, giggling girlfriends, service fees, traffic, sushi, Woolworths life. Surely the rush was more than front row tickets to the theatre. More than 2kgs off the scale. More than a new pair of shoes. Surely eyes welling, filling, spilling should be about more than Oprah, advertising, hormones. Surely heart racing should be about more than 160bps on the treadmill, road rage, boss calling. Surely beyond today’s drone, drones, droning there should be more? More what? Maybe if she knew, she could have it, get it, get over it.

She turned back to her screen. Her desk. Her life. Not so bad really, just so not good either.

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18 thoughts on “A moment

  1. dex says:

    Had a similar kinda thought today – been feeling like there’s a layer of gladwrap over my skin the last couple of days. Things don’t really feel as bad or as good as they should sometimes. You can’t really get to the texture of it all. It’s all sorta anonymous.

    Aww fuckit. Just tired, I guess. 14hrs a day will do that to you…

  2. dolce says:

    Exactly. Not quite whinging, just wondering. And thinking “aww fuckit” too. Sometimes I just feel like the hamster, on a slightly more gadgety, bells-and-whistles wheel.

  3. dolce says:

    14hrs? Man, that’s nasty.

  4. dex says:

    Nasty is a Capetonian girl in boots, sporting a whip. 14hrs is just kak.

  5. marco says:

    You need to find a boyfriend quiek shame hahaha maybe dex can help.

  6. shaunbrian says:

    From the source of your original quote:

    ” life is hard
    and so am I
    you better give me something
    so I don’t die

    novocaine for the soul
    before I spit her out ” (some say Sputter Out)

    Listen to some happier music in the morning:

    What about:

    “If you feel your dream is dying
    Hold tight
    You’ve got the music in you
    Don’t let go
    You’ve got the music in you
    One dance left
    This world is gonna pull through
    Don’t give up
    You’ve got a reason to live
    Can’t forget
    We only get what we give”

    Or we feel as bad as our last listening experience.

    And if you believe that…well maybe it will help.

  7. andreas says:

    It’s a support group for jaded motherfuckers (and a pick-up joint, apparently). This place probably inspired BP to become a shrink. Every post, the dude rubs his hands together and thinks,

    ¥€$!! Quiet Desperation!!! KA-CHING!!

    Just kidding, BP (nice game yesterday, btw; very smooth)

    Yeah, D&D, wage slavery’s a bitch, ain’t it? But seriously, what would you guys really rather be doing? I mean, aside from playing drums in the reformed Guns ‘n Roses or being Capo di tutti Capo of one of the New York Crime Families? You know, realistically? *shudder*

    PS: Hey, Dolce, whadaya do, if you don’t mind me asking? I imagined you kinda as a literary freelance something, not an office-bound babe.

  8. andreas says:

    I hope that’s a once-off thing, bro.

    Dude…you know that 14 hour shit can kill you? US University studies have shown that regularly working even 10 hours a day increases the risk of cancer and depression and heart-attacks and general fuckin’ surliness by, like 25% or something (I forget the statistic, but it was significant). Subjects who regularly worked 12 hour days were like 60% more likely to suffer those horrible stress-related fates, and the likelihood of divorce was 200% higher or something – nearly all of them had fucked-up relationships. The Japanese apparently have a word that literally means “working yourself to death” or something like it…and those little Nippon bastards know all about that workaholic shit. It’s not worth it, man. 9 to 5 is bad, but it doesn’t kill you (actually, it does, but it just takes about 40 years).

  9. dolce says:

    I’d have to kill you.

  10. dolce says:

    moment of facetiousness. I work for a very cool business consultancy that focuses primarily on brand development and consumer insight. I literally begged for the job, so I’m a bit of a go-to girl; no specific role (which suits me perfectly).

    For example, I’m currently researching the role and influence of blogs in modern consumerism (yeah, right, that’s what I’ll tell ’em when they check my web history) and reading/editing a paper on socio-semiotics (which is actually flippin’ riveting!)

    Tomorrow I might go to London to organised a conference. But maybe not.

    I also handle a bit of PR, which is hilarious.

    So now you know….office bound, but not necessarily chained….

  11. bluepeter says:

    The soul needs beauty for a soul mate
    When the soul wants… the soul waits…

    At the risking of sounding all hey-shoo-wow deep, I think U2’ve got a point. It’s about soul. Not as in religious (save me) soul but as in truth, beauty etc. From what I can tell you’ve got soul. And I’m sure that old hickster dr phil would say, “just keep doing what you’re doing, the magic will happen in due course”.

    As for me, I’m going for mellow rather than magic today – it’s General Systems Theory while I watch moronic BMW drivers play their road-rage game at the traffic circle across the way. I think they need some of the blogfather’s kickass existentialism.

  12. dolce says:

    always have a way with words….

    You got to cry without weeping
    Talk without speaking
    Scream without raising your voice, you know
    I took the poison, from the poison stream,
    Then I floated out of here

    …and so do you, B_P….“the blogfather’s kickass existentialism”

    *cackle*

  13. bluepeter says:

    is very fetching I’m sure.

    I’m ’round the corner from anything that’s real I’m across the road from hope I’m under a bridge in a rip tide… “One Step Closer to Knowing”

    I hate not knowing, and you?

  14. dolce says:

    I suppose it depends on what you want to know

    P.S. In your line of work, you’ve got to love…

    Have you come here to play Jesus
    to the lepers in your head

  15. bluepeter says:

    of their best songs. You say it’s One Love, One Life, When it’s one need in the night

  16. dolce says:

    Red Hill Mining Town.

    We’ll scorch the earth
    Set fire to the sky
    We stoop so low to reach so high
    A link is lost
    The chain undone
    We wait all day
    For night to come
    And it comes
    Like a hunter (child)

    I remember seeing the Joshua Tree video for the first time and falling, utterly. The lead into Van Diemen’s Land….unbelievable.

  17. jacktonsil says:

    Gym, breakfast, work… bla bla… gym – damn, girl! You sound like a discipline machine – sorted! I’d give up my sex life for that kinda regime, I swear… (well, obviously not) Good on you, girl! And 2kgs off the scale! I’ll bet you’ll look back on these days wistfully when you’ve got your man, when the sex has calmed down, but it’s still substituting for the gym and your body’s going to pot.

  18. dolce says:

    My body did go to pot….hence the current regime. I’ve even surprised myself. And, yes, I’d definitely prefer a …erm…um…personal instructor….but it’s a vicious circle, ain’t it?

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