For M

My best friend lives in London. You know, my best friend.

The kind of friend who’s been there since, like, forever. The one you started your first day of school with. The one who you went on holidays with. The one who knows what GC means, and the power of those two little letters. The one you made up plays with. The one you knocked a secret code through the walls with.

The one you call in the middle of the night to cry with. The one who picked you up, again and again and again. The one who doesn’t judge you when you snog tattooed weirdos. Or barmen. Or hang out with gangsters. Or go out with suspected Satanists. Or wear trenchcoats with cut off gloves. Or cry to ‘Love Bites’. The one who doesn’t judge you, ever. The one who gets up on the bar counter with you to do the Macarena. The one who goes with you, reluctantly, to that bar on Long Street, just in case he’s there. The one who rolled her eyes with you, when he wasn’t.

The one who celebrated every success with champagne or grapefruit schnapps. The one who made you fail an exam because your 21st had to be counted. The one who held your hand after you’d been to the doctor’s. The one who convinced you to do things you’ll never regret (but will never tell your mother). Partner in crime. The one you’ve fought with and not spoken to and growled at and been grumpy with. The one who took you in, when you had no where else to go. The one who put up with you giving up smoking.

The one who always remembers the Vanity Fairs. The one who craps you out for being a bitch. The one who knows you’re kak at wedding stuff, but asked you to be a bridesmaid anyway.

The only one who knows about the mark.

So, M, if you ever pop in. You rock.

PS But if you put me a gingham frock, it’s over china!

28 thoughts on “For M

  1. dex says:

    She sounds like a peach. Except for one thing: Friends don’t let friends do the macarena.


    I advise you break off all relations.

    p.s. What’s GC?

  2. dolce says:

    I know, I know….we were young, stupid! The point is, she did it with me, rather than make me suffer alone…man, fek, I owe her.

    GC means Grownups Corner. Our mums used it as the final “now fek off and leave us alone to gossip about your evil fathers” line. There…was…no…comeback! The most frustrating words on the planet! You risked the wooden spoon or the meat tenderizer if you tried to butt in after a mother had uttered “GC”….

  3. flutter says:

    I thank the stars for my best friend everyday…In our case it’s melon vodka and karaoke! (sad but true)…quite a few blurry memories there!

  4. dolce says:

    Ja, the melon vodka’s featured…as has the Karaoke… actually, we are more (in)famous for our intrepretive dance….you know, when you can act out all the words (literal or figurative) in a song in perfect unison (and with much giggling). Nenah Cherry’s seven seconds, for example…. *cackle*

  5. flutter says:

    Seven seconds!…with an interpretive dance Mmmhh 🙂 We did “November Rain” with a live band, to about 200 drunken Americans. Hysterical!! The closest we’ll every gete to singing in a rock band.

  6. ramon says:

    My best friend is my wife.
    And she’s a real bitch.

    *Ramon scratches his head and clicks on the post comment button.*

  7. dex says:

    You crack me up. But you know, their really not meant to be friends with.

    Cooking, cleaning, washing, leg over.

    That’s it, man. Anything more than that is just asking for shit.

  8. ramon says:

    I had no part in this comment. Dex wrote it himself.

    I wash my hands in…OMO.

  9. dolce says:

    I thought it was


    don’t confuse us.

  10. dolce says:

    Only Axl can really do November Rain….what were you thinking?

    Seriously, what were you doing infront of 200 drunk Americans?

  11. dex says:

    A woman who knows her place – very hard to find these days. I think I’ll let you stick around.

  12. dolce says:

    I was wondering…in my efforts to be better wife material, could I please talk to yours…I think she could be a brilliant mentor…thanks so much, man, Dex. I really appreciate it.

  13. bluepeter says:

    so have you been snogging any tattooed weirdos in London? And um …. But I never judge you right? And … ag I’ll just email you.

  14. dex says:

    if you want to be good wife material, talking to her would be a mistake. Here are some of the lessons she’ll teach you:

    – If He Has Hands He Can Cook Too
    – I Don’t Need A Dishwasher, I Have A Husband
    – Women Are Not Equal To Men, They Are Better

    However, if you want to be an impossibly hot chick and amazing person, she’d be an excellent choice to talk to.

  15. dolce says:

    there Dex… 😉

  16. dolce says:


    B_P…what do you think?

    Nah, those tattoed ones are from my less considered, way distant past…through which M patiently persisted, judgement free. Gorgeous girl. Did I mention I owe her?

  17. wizard says:

    I live in London and know a SA girl named M … now you’ve got me worried.

  18. dolce says:

    Is she engaged to a boy named S?

  19. bluepeter says:

    … a bit of a weirdo so I just need to get a tattoo, right? Oh wait that’s your past. Shew, was trying to figure me as a hardassed tattooed therapist. With hate on one knuckle and love on the other. Cos it’s all about love & hate innit? *yawn*

  20. wizard says:

    Sounds silly but I haven’t spoken to her for a while.. she is such a private person she could get married and would not tell me till afterwards! Red headed and no sense of smell and her mom lives in CT, got a sister with two young boys also near London.

  21. dolce says:

    My M is blonde with a healthy sense of smell….in fact, she can smell a rat at 100 paces…

  22. wizard says:

    I wouldn’t like Petal to read my blogs – she might kill me!! Its her fault I found this site a year ago, I was trying to understand the mind set of people from SA — I still have trouble!

  23. flutter says:

    Hey we didn’t do too bad a job…for a bunch of terribly high pitched chicks! We were in a bar and the band asked people to come up and sing with them. My better half gets up there, dragging me in toe. We just figured we were never gonna see these folks again and let rip.

  24. bluepeter says:

    very dodgy phrase there F … Don’t mind me,just having one of those grumpy days!

  25. flutter says:

    No worries. I always tell her that if she were a guy I would marry her. She always laughs and says “But F, you don’t believe in marriage!” and I go “Oh yeah…You know what I mean!”..little joke between us.

  26. […] M’s having a baby. I’m so excited. But kinda sad too. That’s it. Our friendship, almost as old as forever, will move into a different phase now. Selfish reaction. But no less true. […]

  27. […] kid * my best mate has been out from the UK for a visit with her new baby boy, Mr JMR.  They left this week.  […]

  28. […] Tags: La Dolce Vita, London, travel, Wimbledon In London.  Shacked up in Wimbledon with my best mate and her crackin’ husband and gorgeous son.  And trying to ignore the cold.  But a short […]

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