At night

Just at the edge of me, there’s the girl who might have been. Someone not formed, a whisper of roads not taken, choices abandoned, decisions not made.

I wonder about her, sometimes. When it’s dark. And I find the myself more awake than I should be. I think about who she might have been. If those roads, those choices would have made her less or more of what I am. If the pleasures I’ve found would have been hers to take too. If the small regrets I carry would have been her victories, her rewards.

Or if she, like me, would lie awake. Thinking of what might have been.

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39 thoughts on “At night

  1. micatyro says:

    …sounds like a Victorian ancestor, on your ma’s side, coming out. The wild abandon you might have been allowed.

  2. wizard says:

    Dolce m’dear. Stop looking at that site I gave you — tut tut it’s affected your head as well as your… They used to tell children it would make you go blind – first signs are appearing! Have you got hairs on the backs of your hands?

  3. dolce says:

    Lawd, man…get your mind out of the gutter!

    P.S. how did you know? *wicked grin*

  4. dolce says:

    I think the vino was getting to you man….

    But wouldn’t it be fun if I was channeling an ancestor….

  5. wizard says:

    and all men have one track minds – or so we are often told by the weaker sex!

    Oh you meant the hairs!

  6. dex says:

    The Road Not Taken hey…

    The question, I reckon, is whether things could have worked out any other way, or is this the only way it could’ve ever been? Sure you can take a different route, but maybe it’ll bend and take you back to your predestined one just the same.

    Fuckin’ chocolates, man.

    I need some fuckin’ chocolates right now.

  7. dolce says:

    Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s all predestined, it just takes a bit longer if you don’t learn the first time….but I do wonder…

    And if you can’t get chocolates, pop over to our UK office…weekly massages on offer as an employee perk…I’ve just spent 30 heavenly minutes being stroked and rubbed and kneaded with eucalyptus and grape seed oil by a woman with the most sensational hands…

    I feel wonderful….

    …from wondering to wonderful…….

  8. dolce says:

    Did you go here?

    Not only boys have one track minds….

    And no, not the hairs (ew) but spending too much time on the site…

    Bad, bad Wiz

  9. dex says:

    you’re one of those who are not supposed to learn, ever – who are destined to keep failing, and failing, and failing…

  10. wizard says:

    Far too much time on the ‘mark.

  11. dex says:

    I’m curious – what makes you choose to hang out with us Saffas? Or is this just one of many sites you visit?

  12. dolce says:

    that’s a little harsh, Dexter. Ag, but I suppose that’s what reincarnation is for?

    flip, D, if I wasn’t so chilled, I think I’d cry.

  13. dex says:

    The idea is that you’re supposed to say HELL NO!, stand up, and show your grit and determination. Show the world that you are Dolce, and you will not go quietly into the night…

  14. dolce says:

    you got me on an introspective day….

    I’ll be back bashing and tilting away at the windmill world tomorrow!

  15. dex says:

    Crying chicks, I tell ya. Best avoided.

  16. ramon says:

    No, ‘nice is not the word.
    Brilliant.

    However, and this is my belief: things are predestined.
    There’s not much you can do about how things work out in the end.
    Everything happens for a reason, except the meat in us hasn’t been trained properly to figure that out…

  17. dex says:

    that you know all about having meat in you…

    (take that! and that! riddle revenge, you know)

  18. wizard says:

    I employed a girl refugee from SA (dearest Petal) and I was trying to understand her take on life so I did a search on the web for SA news and got M&G among others and when it started Blogspot I joined.

    and

    No, I dont still employ Petal, she left several years ago when she got the right to stay in this country but we keep in touch via email.
    No it’s not her real name.

    and

    No I still dont understand the people all the time!

  19. dex says:

    neither do we.

  20. ramon says:

    ‘ood on, ‘ere!
    Thorry, hab thauthathe in mouth.

    *swallow*

    Aaah, that’s better.
    What was that again, DexRex.

  21. dex says:

    Tyrannothauruth Dex.

    you scared yet… punk?

  22. ramon says:

    .
    Abtholutely thitleth.

  23. flutter says:

    I was thinking similar thoughts today but could not have committed them to blog, quite as eloquently as you have. Very nice!

  24. bluepeter says:

    hey D, so this is where you’ve been hanging out. Cool, introspective post. Those massages sound divine. Sure beats the hell out of anything going this side. I can drag myself off for a R50 massage at the student wellness centre down the road but it’s pot-luck. Sometimes the masseurs just seem to pat your back ineffectually for 30 mins and then you wonder why you went to all that trouble. …. As for the other Dolces that might have been, I think we’re all still evolving so you can give free reign to them. I’ve gone back to one of those roads that I left behind ten years ago and, as you know, mostly loving it.

  25. dolce says:

    Man, lady how the hell is the Faaaaaar East? Is it fabulous?

    PS ta!

  26. dolce says:

    The massage was just what I needed. The woman was literally pounding these huge knots in my neck and then did some Raiki to try and get me to chill out…which worked. Didn’t even realise how wound I was (interesting how wound and wound are the same words…)

    And it’s not so much that I want to find those other Dolces – my life is precisely as it should be – I just ponder, sometimes, what I would be if I’d picked up a different map.

  27. dolce says:

    you oketh crack me up…

    hey R, are you sure that’s not *gollum* instead of *swallow*?

  28. dolce says:

    sheesh, Dex, I thought you’d like that kind of stuff. Make ’em cry. Haul out the old hatchet and rope. Cause a little sorrow….

  29. garym says:

    I thought you might be interested to know that I bumped into a fellow in Plumstead today with exactly your real name…

    strange…

  30. dolce says:

    you doin’ in Slumstead china?

  31. dolce says:

    For a moment I thought you were Dex…you can go to Plumstead whenevery you like!

    *sheesh*

  32. flutter says:

    There are no words D….it is just so much more than I imagined.

    Japan is just simply amazing…an awesome place. Unique sights, smells, tastes and people…all breathtakingly beautiful.

    Will definitely be back here someday soon. Will blog about it when I have more time (and post some pics too) 🙂

  33. micatyro says:

    That is pretty freaky – the surname is not that common really, but I know of a few “surname here” families in SA, haven’t met any of them yet. Is this guy into model trains? Something about the Cape and model trains rings a bit of a bell from Googling.

  34. garym says:

    I was looking for a present for the son of a friend.

  35. ramon says:

    I know a blind lady who does it best!

  36. micatyro says:

    So a it was a train you were buying.

  37. woyfczaozw says:

    Hello! Good Site! Thanks you! rjanrimevecua

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