The Ugly Cry

There is nothing quite like the ugly cry.

Some chicks manage to weep in a soft focus, smudge proof way. You know, in that big doe-eyed, silent, single tear tracking silver against a peachy cheek kinda way. Or the kind of gentle weep where their mascara runs in a sexy, distressed way. Where they end up looking like a heroine in a tragic French film rather than like Marilyn Manson playing a panda.

But the ugly cry is bitch.

You know its coming. Your chin starts to wobble. Or your mouth takes that slight downward curve in one corner that’s just on this side of control. Your eyes fill. You know you’re just one 80s rock ballad away from losing it in a very nasty way.

[Jesus, let this not happen in public].

And before you know it your face is scrunched up in that eye swelling, throat catching, breath snatchin’, snot all over the place type of cry that makes you feel like you’ve been hit by a bus. The kind of cry where you just need to stop everything and put your hands over your face. That kind of cry that seems to come from outside you. That you worry you won’t be able to stop.

There’s no looking French after that kinda cry. Well, ok, if you’ve got no-name-brand tissues you might find yourself with a more than striking resemblance to Gérard Depardieu. But you ain’t coming out of that looking like Sophie Marceau.

In fact, if you’re lucky, no one actually ever sees your ugly cry, except maybe your mother and possibly one very close mate, who hopefully was too drunk to remember. Keep it that way. Generally, people don’t relate well to the ugly cry. It makes them un-coooom-fortable. Squirmingly uncomfortable. Not many casual relationships can handle an ugly cry. It’s the bad taste of overshare. It’s the cry version of jumping the couch. Maybe it’s the loss of control. Maybe it’s the raw emotion. (Maybe it’s the snot.) But when you cry like that, you cry alone.

But there’s something about the ugly cry. It might be vicious. Best avoided in public. And definitely not for sharing. But it’s self indulgent. Cathartic. And sometimes very, very necessary.


23 thoughts on “The Ugly Cry

  1. ramon says:

    As you said, it could be the emotion that’s a bit…overwhelming, or maybe they know that there’s not much that can be done about the situation, ’cause everybody’s done ‘the ugly cry’ (except bovine, of course – he’s such a man!)

    Very necessary indeed.

    The best thing about the ugly cry is the feeling of relief afterwards.

  2. dolce says:

    and AJ…can’t see him crying at all. Unless it gets him laid.

    Ja, I reckon people don’t know how to handle all that guts and gore emotion right out there….makes it all awkward.

  3. zephilla says:

    Cool blog.

    I have this magical ability. I don’t cry. Or rather I can’t cry.

  4. dex says:

    sometime to give you some Dex, and then, suddenly, to take it away again.

    Then we’ll see who can’t cry.

    And Dolla, you seem to be in a bit of a bad place at the moment. Hope you feel better soon, girly.

  5. bovinerebel says:

    what a crock of shit…

    the only acceptable times to cry (for a man) are

    a) when a faithful dog dies (in real life or a film)..
    b) sporting events when we overcome despite the odds…or it just seems that way because we are “that” drunk .

    …and thats it…

  6. kchasu says:

    I don’t really cry… Other than when I am seriously PMSed out, at which time I will weep over a cat food advert. Or something vile has happened. Nothing wrong with weeping and snotting – I just don’t do much of it.

    What I find interesting is the way some women will cry at work when they are in trouble… It works on men. They don’t know what to do. Other women, like me, just stare them down and act like it’s not happening. I had a guy cry on my once at work, but it wasn’t actually my fault. A client had seriously upset him. So technically, I was the comfort blanket. That was bewildering.

  7. dolce says:

    I saw you on MTV yesterday…in your denim dungarees…with your midnite runners. Fukkin’ sexy, Dexy! I nearly wept again.

    Who is Eileen anyway?

    [thanks, by the way…I’ll be ok]

  8. dex says:

    just who Eileen is, but she sure sounds like a bit of a slapper, considering someone’s always coming on her…

  9. dolce says:

    can’t cry? How come. That sucks. Seriously. I hate crying in public, but when things are a bit rough there is seriously nothing better than a good driz…

    Actually, thinking about it, I didn’t cry for years. I hated crying. It felt like a weakness. Something to be ashamed of. As a little girl, you get praised for not crying. Get told you’re brave…a good little girl….and I was a tom boy, so hanging out with the boys I picked up that whole “boys don’t cry thing”

    And forgive me (Bovine, particularly) but BOLLOCKS. I honestly don’t see crying as a weakness anymore. Still not fond of doing it in public, but now for largely asthetic reasons. But it gives me a chance to let go of the emotion. To purge all the useless crappy feelings that are blocking me from taking action. I’m always able to think clearer, make better decisions after a good howl.

    think it works for our lovely menfolk too…but get the feeling not many have got away from not being allowed to?

  10. dolce says:

    when Wilbur died in Charlotte’s Web…I know he’s a pig, not a dog, but dear lawd….

    …and that final scene in that boxer movie The Champ

    …and E.T.

    But the sports stuff? Get tears in my eyes, but usually from yawning.

  11. dolce says:

    come on…

    Image Hosted by

    So, Dexy…why so glum? Some one beat you at Pooh Sticks?

  12. dex says:

    u talkin ’bout u silly woman

  13. dolce says:

    as long as he didn’t get snot on your shoulder pads..

  14. kchasu says:

    How are you putting pics in replies? I might be blind – can only see how to do it as an attachment in an original post.

  15. kchasu says:

    Shoulder pads were a sin. A crime against humanity. Vile, Joan Collins and Dynasty/Dallas. I still have nightmares about them.

  16. dolce says:

    if you go to and host a pic, they’ll give you a URL for an image (which has got those pointy brackets with an “a” at the beginning of it)

    cut and paste that link into the comment and voila! Works in the body content of a blog too.

    Hope that helps.

  17. dolce says:

    that’s you! In the Dungarees. Playing with your stick. Minus your midnight runners.

    And yes, I am a silly girl. Silly. Silly.

  18. dex says:

    Kate Beckinsdale’s outfit in Underworld.

    Brings me to tears everytime.

  19. dolce says:

    shoulders weren’t this big?

    Image Hosted by

  20. flutter says:

    Having seen that gorgeous face of yours D, you could never look like ” Marilyn Manson playing a panda ” 🙂

    Image Hosted by

    Cheerrr up me lassie 😉

  21. dolce says:

    Although, bless, Marilyn looks pretty shite when he’s miz too…

    Image Hosted by

  22. flutter says:

    I never thought I’d say this.

    He looks better with tons of makeup on.

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