We’re doomed

Ja ok. So we’re a prejudiced, wicked bunch of humans who like to peer and mutter at our fellow man, and woman. We like to point and stare. We like to nod knowingly and pass judgement. We like to raise our eyebrows and tut.

We’re like that about everything. The big stuff, like race and religion and politics and choice of cool drink is what really gets our knickers in a twist. But is this surprising when we’re so flippin’ petty about the small stuff too?

For example, I’m now going to confess to a number of little foibles. Read ’em and see if you don’t gasp at one or two and turn the corners of your mouths down, just a little. (But I bet you’ve got a list of your own.)

So, here goes.

* I lick my plate
* I don’t take off my make up before going to bed
* I eat peanut butter out of the jar with my fingers
* I don’t recycle
* I often don’t brush my teeth before going to bed
* And I don’t floss. At all.
* I don’t visit my granny
* I recycle presents
* And I occasionally pick my nose

Dumb stuff when written down, nes pas? But I tell ya, it’s illustrative. We’re doomed. Peace and harmony sê gat. We’re way too seeped in the philosophy of ‘us and them’. The best we can hope for is not to let our differences of colour and gender and opinion become our excuses for rape and pillage and stick poking.

But everyone’s an optimist hey?

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34 thoughts on “We’re doomed

  1. micatyro says:

    * Saves washing up water
    * Saves washing face water
    * Saves washing up water
    * Saves petrol driving to the eco centre
    * Saves brushing teeth water
    * Saves nylon string
    * Saves petrol driving to granny
    * Saves money
    * Saves expensive tissues

    You a good blogger… and you also a good citizen…

  2. dolce says:

    you lick your plate too, hey?

    I lazy blogger…

  3. flutter says:

    * I lick my plate – check, but only when I’m alone.
    * I don’t take off my make up before going to bed – check
    * I eat peanut butter out of the jar with my fingers – check
    * I don’t recycle – check
    * I often don’t brush my teeth before bed – check, I mouthwash!
    * And I don’t floss. At all. – OK now that’s just nasty D! 😉
    * I don’t visit my granny – check, but I would if either of them were alive
    * I recycle presents – check – you betcha!
    * And I occasionally pick my nose Eeewww!! Me judgemental? Never! 😉

    Mica, I like the way you think 🙂 You too are a good blogger…

  4. dolce says:

    you think that’s bad? I lived with the daughter of a Singaporean diplomat and she used to pick her nose religiously. She had a little routine;

    Tissue over finger.
    Finger into nose.
    Inspect.
    Repeat.

    It was disgusting, in a car crash kind of way. Fascinating but horrifying. She was very confused by my reaction. Said it was crucial to maintain nasal health. Or whatever.

    And don’t get me started on the okes in Israel and Thailand who hawk great goobers out of their mouths and noses onto the street a la football players. G. r. o. s. s.!

  5. dex says:

    ain’t seen nothing yet.

    I used to work with this guy who kept extracting earwax with a toothpick and making neat little stripes with it on the side of his chair.

    You not good bloggers.

    I the only good blogger.

  6. flutter says:

    Where have you been? We missed you…

    Your work colleague sounds positively lovely!

  7. micatyro says:

    …attitude…

    I eat my peas with honey
    I’ve done it all my life
    I eat my peas with honey
    ‘cos it sticks ’em to the knife

    A peanut sat on a railway track
    His heart was all aflutter
    The 9:15 came rushing by
    Toot toot, peanut butter

    The lady sat upon the bridge
    Her legs were all aquiver
    She gave a cough, her leg fell off
    And floated down the river

    A man lived by a sewer
    And by the sewer he died
    At the coroner’s inquest
    They called it sewerside

    ‘If the world blogs at you, I say blog BACK!’

  8. micatyro says:

    …one commune buddy used to shorten his nails with his teeth… his TOE nails…

  9. dolce says:

    you’ve been quiet, china…

    I saw this and thought of your last blog…

    Image Hosted by ImageShack.us

    And that colleague of yours? I’m judgeing, I’m judgeing. Can’t help it. Ik.

  10. medusajane says:

    Hmm, Very encouraging D. You is not alone.

    * I only shave when I’m going to the doctor or for a massage.
    * I love my one child more than the other.
    * I nearly caused two major accidents on the national roads in December.
    * I am a skinflint who would rather walk 200m in the blazing sun, than pay R1 for parking.

  11. flutter says:

    To each his own hey?

    Can someone please explain to me why men have to adjust their unmentionable wobbley bits while facing you?

    Can’t they do that kinda thing in the loo or turn away.

  12. dolce says:

    see? SEE? This is why we’ll never solve the issue of world peace. People are too busy chewing their feet.

    *shudder*

  13. micatyro says:

    …OK, here we go…

    …I are not really a good blogger…

  14. helwa says:

    ME LIKES THE SIGNATURE QUOTE:)

    ‘Quod me nutrit me destruit”….what nourishes me destroys me”.

  15. micatyro says:

    …we don’t even know we’re doing it… it’s called ‘automatic re-dressing’, you see a man will either ‘dress’ to the left or to the right, unless wearing a kilt in which case down the middle is fine.

  16. flutter says:

    Pants on fire!!!

    Sheesh!!! Shame on you!

  17. flutter says:

    Now I don’t mind if he is a hotty and I want to check out the goods but its mostly big slobbery okes with big boeps!

    I once asked a friend in a kilt if it’s true that they don’t wear underwear. He said: “Give me your hand and I’ll show you!”

    Cheeky buggger! 😉

  18. dolce says:

    I worked as a waitress in a place where lots of business men and rugby player types ate. We had to wear kilts. I had a few standard responses, but mostly I was saying, internally, “why don’t you try see, bucko. Go ahead, punk. Make my day”

    I almost developed a pathological xenaphobia for all things Scottish.

    But I still do like the word sporran

  19. dolce says:

    a very popular club, in fact!

    And ja. Point 2. My mother always told me I was lucky to be an only child for that exact reason!

  20. dolce says:

    that’s not a confession…it’s more like a revelation!

    *wicked grin*

    You see. SEE? It breeds violence and stick poking all over the place.

    Evil ‘beings.

  21. missngwane says:

    All that little bit of crap you secretly do is what makes you you dont be ashamed pick ur nose dont brush your teeth before going to bed fart at the office have fun with yourself under the desk in the middle of the day at work but NEVER EVER leave your vegetables on your plate they are good for you and conatin essential vitamins

  22. dolce says:

    …have fun with yourself under the desk in the middle of the day

    sheesh. You go girl.

    Respect

  23. micatyro says:

    …to play with Lego under my desk… that’s what she meant… isn’t it?

  24. medusajane says:

    MissN, are you a typical example of a call centre operator? I must say I appreciate the insight into what is going on while my call is on hold …

  25. missngwane says:

    Sorry but I is a network administrator you know when the server is down and it seems like no-one is doing anyhting and all the administrators doors are closed because you think they are trying to solve the problem GUESS AGAIN. Those are the few moments in and administrators life where they can realx take a chill pill and get on with more important things or lack thereof…

  26. missngwane says:

    The server is about to go down….
    See u all later!!!

  27. dex says:

    I didn’t know you cared…

    Just been kinda busy, you know, trying to keep all the ol’ balls in the air. It’s hell on the lower back, I tells ya…

  28. medusajane says:

    if that’s what marriage is about, I’m prepared to consider it!

    Okay, I confess, I trawled through the matchmaker.co.za site a couple of weeks back, and here are the bylines of some of the first fifty potential matches:

    *seeks partner wih pupose…
    *Perfect soul mate and sexuel partner
    *Lonly man needs exitement
    *adventerous
    *SWM looking for female friend, partner and solemate

    Am I just being picky? Maybe I’d be no good as a “solemate” anyway!

  29. medusajane says:

    oh, okay. I checked afterwards and saw you referred to “this shit helpdesk job”.

    I suppose you have to deal with tech-nincompoops like me all day! No wonder you need some stress relief!

  30. dex says:

    I expect the problem is with you, and you alone.

    I mean, who doesn’t want a sexuel partner when they’re lonly?

    You too pickie and not a good blogger neither.

    Seriously though, I don’t understand why the police have any trouble finding serial killers.

  31. bbmatt says:

    Now there’s honesty for you!

    I’m not entirely sure if anything I do can match that, probably because I too leave my makeup on before I go to bed.

    * I lick other peoples plates, I’ve never picked someone elses nose, but I have eaten the peanut butter out of the jar with someone elses fingers.

    * I recycle, but I dump my rubbish in someone elses bins late at night.

    * I consider a good pee in the bushes after a few pints a sign of a successful evening out.

    * I’ve never had a traffic fine

    * I often reek of garlic and enjoy the fact that I do

    * I talk to myself and make odd noises when alone, sometimes I do it in company too, but then, everyone at work is barking mad – we have collective tourette’s. My girlfriend has learnt to humour me.

    * I like to burp loudly when in the office, I try to form the burps into words. This frequently amuses my work colleagues. It makes me do it more.

    * I sometimes lift my leg when I fart, always the right leg.

    * If I fart under the bedclothes, I sometimes have a quick whiff to see how bad it is.

    * I’ve been caught picking my nose in traffic jams (This is better than being caught picking someone elses, but only marginally so)

  32. 307 says:

    * I lick my plate – you’ve got a tongue
    * I don’t take off my make up before going to bed – you wear makeup
    * I eat peanut butter out of the jar with my fingers – you’ve got fingers
    * I don’t recycle – ‘you theorise’
    * I often don’t brush my teeth before going to bed – ‘you’ve got teeth’
    * And I don’t floss. At all. ‘mmhm, you are consistent’
    * I don’t visit my granny – ‘they visit themselves’
    * I recycle presents – ‘you get presents’
    * And I occasionally pick my nose – ‘you’ve a nose to pick’

    ooh how very strange you are.

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