Rubber Glove Time

My mate and I have just been muttering that it’s been a while since we saw our respective gynaes.

Aaaah. I can hear the collective male ‘ew’. Tough!

Now, when chicks talk about their gynecologists, it’s usually conversation sprinkled with faint embarrassment and a modicum of guilt. We know we have to go. But we don’t want to. Generally (and I know, this is a fairly large generalization) we prefer our latex and KY with a little mood lighting and some soft music. Not strip neon and a plastic covered gurney with stirrups.

And I don’t care how many jokes there are about aging gynaes with Parkinsons, I am not fond of attempting to make polite conversation about my job and my mother while some man with a beard manipulates my boobs, cracks on a rubber glove and says things like ‘this is going to be a little cold’.

It’s revolting. And a little humiliating. And sometimes quite bloody painful. And that’s just the ugly tiny frilly gowns they make you wear.

Ok. So I’m actually quite lucky. I’ve got a nice gynae. He cracks bad jokes. Tells me to relax; not to bend his instruments. Doesn’t make me feel like I’m a slightly pornographic specimen under a microscope. And he’s the best diagnostic gynae in Cape Town.

I’ve been seeing him since I was 13. He knows all my dirty little secrets. And if I work that out, it means I’ve seen him approximately 20 times in my life. Minimum. But I still hate it. Dread making the appointment. Dread the little box of tissues and that internal ultrasound thingie. Dread the frilly gown and the saccharine receptionist. Dread the waiting room and the pin prick blood test. All of it.

And it’s that time again. I’ve got to go. I know I do. I know I should. That I have to. But I feel like a kid who doesn’t want to go to go to school. All grumpy moue, hunched shoulders and folded arms.


Doesn’t matter how nice they are.



19 thoughts on “Rubber Glove Time

  1. kchasu says:

    Is fine. But he always feels the need to comment on the tattoo on my left hip. That’s unnerving.

    It’s never as bad as I think it is going to be. All that anxious build-up and then it’s over.

    I went to a female one once when mine was away. Never mind how you end up with a gynaecological emergency. Some things are unfit for blogging. She hurt me!

    I think I will stick to the old codger…

  2. flutter says:

    I’d sooner go to my gynae than my dentist.

    Now dentists are evil, sick, twisted freaks. I have to take a muscle relaxant just to make an appointment.

    It also helps that my gynae’s name is Dick Kukard *giggle I have to suspress laughter every time I see him. It helps.

  3. dolce says:

    I’d also get the giggles.

    And apparently there’s a gynae in CT called Dr. Peussey. I kid you not.

  4. dolce says:

    Never been to a female gynae. Kinda used to boys in that department. Did you tell her she hurt you? That would freak me out!

    But you’re right. It’s always not as bad once it’s over.

  5. kchasu says:

    … that and the writhing on that crap little table. i actually felt violated for a while.

    she did apologise but there is no way in hell i would ever go back. makes me think twice about the theory that lesbians are better lovers because they “know the equipment.”

  6. cassier says:

    just wanted to say hi…

    here seems as good a place as any.



  7. tamaryne says:

    Male gynae’s are alot more gentle and sympathetic;because they don’t own thier own vagina and they cannot compare thier genitals to ours – the female gynae would probably think,”oh common, it wasnt painful for me, and I also have a vagina, I also had to give birth etc etc”

  8. tamaryne says:

    I think Men gynaes find Vagina’s alot more interesting and less uncomfortable than females, I mean imagine examining the insides of another female for specimen samples! That is definately a Mans job

  9. bovinerebel says:

    It’s a wonderful diverse world full of all sorts of colorful characters….I know…I just know …there must be one or two of you who find the whole experience “erotic”…

  10. kchasu says:

    in the same way i am sure there are some men who like it when the doc holds their nuts and says “cough” just before sticking a rubber-gloved finger up their butts…

  11. dolce says:

    there was this one time….when my gynae brought out this large metal rod, slipped a condom over it and charged up a large machine.

    I reached over, gently took his balls in my hand and said….

    we’re not going to hurt each other, are we?

    Faintly erotic for me…and for you?

  12. bovinerebel says:

    I got an infection of the “love lance” after falling in a dodgy canal in Bangkok (honest!)….I went to the doctor who was a rather hot , but nerdy looking (glasses)30 something , who got to her knees ….took the beast in her comparitively tiny hands and gave him a good look over …

    yes , I did find it strangely erotic….

  13. bovinerebel says:

    YOU could relay tales of how you once played dinkie cars in a pig pen…and I’d find it erotic…(but only you)

    (Bovinerebel : I’m bringing romance back)

  14. dolce says:

    just had a mental pictures of one of those women’s groups, sitting round with their skirts up and a mirror between their thighs, getting to know their vaginas.

  15. bovinerebel says:

    I just got it now too…

    hmmmm…I kind of like it…

  16. dolce says:

    actually, that sounds like the start to a bad porn flick.

    So, a dodgey “canal” hey? I’ve been known to accidently walk into poles. I know how shocking it can be.

  17. tamaryne says:

    is like 50 years older than me. Besides he is looking for infections and growths — very kinky

    Its more like, somebody genuinely cares about what happens to your most private parts, I kind of looked up to him and thought “what a sweety”

  18. tamaryne says:

    and give them names or say “hello cookie, how you?”

    I don’t think any amount of sessions could help me! she’s just too unpredictable at times hee hee

  19. bovinerebel says:

    …Speaking of “dolce” that reminds me…what the fuck is with that ice cream scoop ? my girlfriend threatened to tell me…but I was worried I’d never want to eat ice cream again …

    Well…tried to climb on a canal boat…..those fuckers are tricky even when sober (which I wasn’t)….

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