Driving through the dark

I was thinking of you. Driving though the dark. The tawdry lights of the high street streaking the wet roads. I passed the road we used to walk along. Hand in hand. In the days when your hand fitted perfectly into mine.

I wondered if you’d seen your son. Or if you’d thought of home. Or if you still looked at girls with that half smiling twinkle in your eyes. And how many of them you’ve kissed. Since me.

I was thinking of you. And thinking about how things work out. How all the things you said were true. Even if it didn’t matter, then or now. How grateful I am for the choice you made. Not mine. But mine in the end. And I was wondering if there was anything to regret. I don’t think you’ll know what you did for me. With that twinkling glint. And that half-cocked smile. What you did for me when you picked me out, amongst that crowded place. What air you breathed into my tiny life.

And I was thinking of you. And wondering at these chance encounters. The accidental meaning of lives that collide. And considering if I could ever say this out loud. To you. If these thoughts could touch you in the way that you touched me. Or if it’s ok that they remain unsaid. That the resonance would be tinny and false if rendered into words.

I don’t know. I do know that I think of you. Arrogant and wounded and wasted. And so very, very bright. And I’m glad I took a chance. Thank you.

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7 thoughts on “Driving through the dark

  1. arbchick says:

    ..I think I will leave with this in my mind – thank you for that.

  2. kchasu says:

    did not see you here… or rather, your blog was obscured by hate-speech vomit.

    thanks.

  3. dolce says:

    every now and then, this place explodes in a big, ugly splat of vitriol. Either over sensitive plonkers or shit-stirrin’ eejits. I just get sad that it’s all still so raw and eina. Clearly, for all his jabbering, this Tsosti oke is seriously bitter. And you should know, bitterness is all about fear and hurt. Don’t blame people in this country, what ever their pixel count, for fear and hurt. There’s a lot of stuff there which is going to take a lot of stuff to let go.

  4. kchasu says:

    oh ya… you are right.

    and i also know about being over-sensitive.

    but i guess a big part of recovery, for ex-drunks and violated nations alike, is learning to cope with the past, without trying to deny it or delete it.

    “we cannot change the past, nor close the door on it…” – Alcoholics Anonymous.

    sometimes i think the country needs a twelve-step programme. so much low self-esteem, victim think, fear, rage, suppressed stuff.

  5. dolce says:

    I didn’t even notice the hate stuff until you and KC mentioned it. It’s all a bit same old same old!

  6. dex says:

    When you’re driving, you should really try and concentrate on the road just a little bit. Please don’t cause any ‘first for women’ moments…

    Nice one Dolla.

  7. dolce says:

    I seem to recall the last time you blog-drove, you fell off an unfinished interchange.

    So.

    Pffffft.

    I can multitask. Driving and thinking is not a challenge.

    Ok. Just remembered small comment on Silwane’s blog about a small incedent with a lamppost.

    That was ONE time. Dammit.

    Eh um.

    La la la lala. Nice day in Cape Town today.

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