answer me this

crochet_favourites.jpgWho actually likes the smell of loo ‘freshener’?  Violet Meadows.  Pine Glades.  Pot bloody Pouri.  *gag*.  I’d rather deal with the good old lavatorial odours, thank you very much.  At least Eau d’fart dissipates fairly quickly.* Unlike those fekkin’ Ambi Pur-like nasty fake smells that get right up your schnozz and linger there for days.  Exactly how Auntie Daphne’s cheap, plastic flower arrangement would smell if it could.  Banned in my house, they are.  Nasty.

And while we’re on the subject, what has led people to believe that anything needs to cover a loo roll, let alone a crocheted frock with half a Barbie attached to it.  Half a Barbie, note.  Because often the full Barbie’s legs can’t fit in the cardboard roll.  So, there is sawn-off Barbie, in her mooi lilac knitted frockie, hiding the Floral Mists air freshener.

It is cruel and unusual.  If I was Barbie, I’d fling my mutilated body off the rim of the cistern and hope I drowned. 


44 thoughts on “answer me this

  1. kyknoord says:

    No such luck. Barbie would float.

  2. dolce says:

    Kyk Floater comments already? Ag, maybe the weight of the sodden loo roll would drag her down?

  3. YODA says:

    Obsessed with ablutions it strikes me you have become.

  4. dex says:

    Dolce, that is SO weird. I always pictured your house having those knitted toilet seat warmers?

    Oh well, live and learn, I guess.

    ps what the fuck is this math crap before you can post a comment???

  5. dex says:

    And BOY, is this yoda fellow a treat. Outstanding.

  6. Dusty Muffin says:

    Dex – Hellooooo stranger! It’s to stop the spammers

  7. Dusty Muffin says:

    Hmmph. I didn’t have to do any sums. Hmmmmph.

    I think yoda is spoegs reincarnated…

  8. dolce says:

    Yoda Loo freshner leads to fear, fear leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. QED, dude.

    Dex Gggrrrrr. You cruisin’ for a bruisin’, Dextremity. I thought this would lure you out of the e-ether. Crap Whisperer.

    And math, what math. I mean MATHS. Dex, you’ve gone all American. You ok?

    Dusty Oh. Aaah. Spammers.

  9. jesus says:

    Advocating doll suicide, are we? I’m not sure I approve.

  10. YODA says:

    The maths system – flawed it is. A quick fix I here detect.

  11. dex says:

    Dusty Muff *snigger* (love that name):

    i know THAT. it’s just, well, this is the first time EVER i’ve seen this method employed. Makes me think of those old steering lock we used to have on our cars…

    Dolla: grrrr right back at ya, sweetcheeks. I can like to be just [12 + 34] thank you…

  12. dolce says:

    Dexsexter. Sjoe. That old huh? Wow. No wonder you remember steering wheel locks. You probably still think you can get 2 chappies for a cent. Bless.

  13. dex says:

    Dolla… i 4got how weird u r.

  14. dolce says:

    Um. Thanks. But you were the one who said you were 46. So what’s a girl to assume. Weird. Pah!

  15. Dreaded Outsider says:

    Barbie offing herself … now that’s quite a picture. Breaking news with on the spot repetitive reporting on SKY!

  16. dolce says:

    Jesus Oh, but you’re fiiiiiine with Doll mutilation and hideous frockage. No wonder people forsake you, man!

  17. dolce says:

    Dreaded Yes. Yes!

    “Today, Barbie Matel’s mutilated, lifeless body was found floating in a toilet in the Eastern Cape in South Africa. Sources are calling it suicide, but the damage to her lower body hasn’t ruled out assult. In a bizaare twist, the world famous glamour girl was wearing what appears to be a mauve knitted ballgown, underwhich she was smuggling a toilet roll. More details of this shocking drama brought to you by Sky News later on the hour.”

  18. Dreaded Outsider says:

    It would make a great lead story. Maybe run for a couple of days until somebody objects to the gratuitous violence.

  19. Dreaded Outsider says:

    The headlines could be quite creative. “Barbie thinks outside the box”. “Barbies swirling swansong”. “Barbie flushed by Kens rejection”.

  20. dolce says:

    “Barbie loo’red over the edge”

    “A Toilet Tale: Barbie’s Career down the tubes”

  21. dolce says:

    Hey Dreaded. So, did the 1am tinkering work?

  22. Dreaded Outsider says:

    Yup, incredibly so! Gotta try it again at some stage.

  23. dolce says:

    Now I’m curious. I was addled by zzzz. What were you doing?

  24. sundayschild says:

    Send in the Barbie Liberation Front…

  25. Well the good news Dolla is that the crap whisperer has taken up the gentle art of crochet, and would probably rustle up a nice pink and purple toilet seat cover, cistern cover, foot warmer and matching barbie doll toilet roll holder. I hear he’s doing them with shoulder pads circa 1980’s Dynasty – that corporate power-girl padded shoulder look with neat little crochetted briefcases that you can keep your intimate feminine hygienes hidden away in.

    Ja. Who would have thought hey? Old Dex. Shame – apparently it’s a real stress reliever for him too. But he hasn’t come out of the closet yet (well we all know Ramon’s his little vasoline and spatula boy – but he’s horribly shy about the crochet habit he’s picked up. So he does it on the loo, abandoned the FHM in favour of a little hekel.)

    So you could even get natty shower curtains with little crochet ducks on thrown in as well….. Our little crap whisperer – so complex yet sensitive.

  26. dolce says:

    Sundays I thought the BLF went underground? One of their team got turned and crocheted a whole camo army uniform.

    Frik Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve commissioned Dex to make me and my sawn off Barbie matching frocks for the 07 Barbie Convention. We’ve settled on pastel green with lemon yellow knobbles and a matching bolero jacket. I’m thinking matching berets, but it might be a bit much?

    (LAWD, just had a flashback. My grandmother used to make matching outfits for me and my First Love Doll. I thought I was the height of cool. Rock on, matching sailor suits, rock on!)

  27. dolce says:

    VINCENT…MATT?????? There are comments on the amagama-posts page that link back to this blog – but the comments aren’t here and they aren’t waiting for moderations…..can you tell me what’s going on?


  28. 302 says:

    multi faceted, versatile and always smelling nice that’s our Barbie

  29. YODA says:

    Dolce – Raise your voice not at the council – a sure path to the dark side that is!

  30. Nossie says:

    Why?? I feel like i’m back in school…NOOOOOO!!

  31. Nossie says:

    Am I right? I HAVE to know…

  32. Yoda – Delusions of grandeur this council has it appears I see.

    Dolca – Yes. The crap whisperer has such delicate hands, he can hekel the most intricate of things. Even a couple of platform shoes for your barbie, some ear rings and an alice band. But can he write himself out of a little tight spot – well we’ll just have to wait and see about that.

  33. Dolca – a yes. A Star Whores version of Dolce crochetted by Dex.

  34. YODA says:

    Control of the blogosphere – consumed them it has.

  35. dolce says:

    302 Bollocks. I’ve got more in common with Barbie than I thought. Eep.

    Yoda Sometimes councils need to be overthrown, they do!

    Nossie Why do you feel like you’re back at school? Did your school have crochet covered loo rolls. Or is the maths doing your head in? Are you right? I donno? What’s the question?

    Frik FEKKIN’ AMAGAMA…Dex did reply, but it got sucked into amagama vortex-ville. Bollocks. Succkering Succatash or something. Bugger.

    As for his verbal vaso…yes, we’ll have to see. Assuming he’s found another gap in his champion crocheting schedule. The boy’s got busy fingers.

    Frik…again Crocheted Darth Vader outfit. Yessss. Except, my mum calls him Garth. So he’s not so scary anymore.

    Yoda Turned to the dark side, they have been. *sigh*

  36. nossie says:

    Dol…no, I didn’t have the croched barbie thing but I DID have a very gauche spanish dancer on my dressing table *looks embarrassed* but at the time, I thought it was really pretty….

  37. robert says:

    It appears from the number of comments that you have written a post that resonates or resides in so many colons!

    Sordid topic eloquently dealt with.

    Buy matches. Sulphur cures fart n crap smell dead!

  38. dex says:



    Now just look what you’ve done. You’ve hurt my feelings.

    I have them, you know.

    Just kidding, dumbass.

  39. Jean Pant says:

    Airfreshners are actually a leading cause of depression in housewives (or, anyone who inhales it too much), studies have found.

  40. dolce says:

    Noslet Noooooooooo. Not the Spanish Dancer? Don’t worry, I had a little Dutch Girl. And I think a pair of weird Greek guys with pom poms on their shoes. Odd. Odd. Odd.

    Bertie Its the semi colons that worry me. Something ALWAYS follows those! (and I keep a box of matches where the loo freshener would be…you know, for those people who might need them!)

    Dexter Sjoe. For a minute I thought you were serious. PS did you comment on this blog yesterday? It vanished. More oddness.

    Jean pant I knew it. And I bet it’s self fulfilling and vicious in cyclical nature….feel down? Spray some lifting ocean freshness. Feel better. Then swiftly feel worse. It’s a plot!

  41. Katt says:

    Oh dear… I am having visions of Mutilated Barbie’s friends here. Red tissue box with gold trim in the car’s back window, doggie with loose head bobbing in tune with the rhythm of the night in the car’s back window. How about that long, overstretched vinyl sausage dog that acted as a draft stopper?

  42. dex says:

    Yeah Dolla, I did. I typed this brilliant fuckin’ comment. Gota message that the maths was wrong, clicked ‘back’ and it was gone.

    So I typed it again, and improved it even more. Not easy, but I did. THEN, when I posted comment number 2, I saw the first one was posted anyway. So to save a little face, I marked the 1st one as spam, and *poof*, both were gone, except for in the recent comments column, of course.

    What an awesome site. Love it. Love it.

  43. ekke says:

    Call me crazy, but if barbie’s brunette mate cashed in her chips and fell into the loo, would that smell like Summer in a Bowl?

  44. dolce says:

    Katt My gran had loads of those sausage dogs…man, they were creepy!


    Ekke Hey, Crazy, here’s lookin’ at you kid! And that’s a little disgusting (which is why we love you!)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: