I wonder if Manto and Mbeki are having an affair? The conspiracy theorist in me has a vision of those long dark days of struggle and exile throwing them together, unable to deny their passion. Manto drinks to forget he’s married and he keeps her around in some misguided sense of loyalty.
Which makes me wonder, why do cars need extra stuff, just when you don’t have any money?
I wish that when I was 15, I knew then what I know now about boys. I’ve always been dead cynical about men, but recently I’ve just completely fallen in love with them. Boys, generally, have this unbelievably soft spot beneath all the bluff and bravado. And they’re full of strange little quirks and foibles. I spent some of the weekend with a bunch of guys in their late teens, early twenties, and I was overwhelmed with a kind of nostalgic, vaguely sad fondness for all the boys I knew all those years ago. All the baby egos busting for a little stage time. All the peacocking. All masking exactly what I was; chronic self consciousness. If I could tell my teenage self one thing, it would be to relax. Chill. Be friends. Flirt more.
M’s having a baby. I’m so excited. But kinda sad too. That’s it. Our friendship, almost as old as forever, will move into a different phase now. Selfish reaction. But no less true.
Not that I’m surprised. I suppose I just thought we make that change together.
And life says again “That’ll fuck ‘em…”