There’s Only Us, There’s Only This. Forget Regret Or Life Is Yours To Miss
I’m thinking about today. About why is it so hard to live deep in this moment? Is life so banal that we wish it away? I’m thinking about why we ricochet from day to day, waiting for later, tomorrow, the weekend, next week, next holiday, next time, next place, next life. I know, I know. Life is short, time is quick, live now. But almost every single person I know is living for the next something. The next paycheck. The next Friday piss up. The next shag. The next time they get high. And all I can think of is show tunes. There’s only this. Forget regret.. Show tunes sung by an aids infected exotic dancer addicted to crack, but that’s beside the point.
Mid life crisis anyone?
But I’m serious. Some days I have to make myself stop. At the colour of spring green against a blue sky. At the sight of an elderly man holding the hand of his wife. At the sound of the birds as the dawn breaks. At the smell of warm bread and sun dried sheets. Because otherwise, I’m so trapped in the crap of the everyday. The drivel of living. That I can’t remember that the small beauties are what make it worthwhile. Are what really get us through.
So why do we compromise ourselves? Make ourselves so small. We make ourselves insignificant by denying ourselves the right to live our dreams. Most of us don’t even know what they are. I don’t. And even those lucky few who do would rather be safe. Safe? It makes me rage. When I hear someone say I’d give anything to be a sports commentator or a ballet dancer or a journalist, I think, damn you. You know, you know! Do you know how much power that gives you?
We’re so afraid of our light we can barely stand to acknowledge it. That somehow, if we really tried, we could be magnificent. If we ripped off the pathetic plasters of booze and TV and self help books we could explode out of our lives like some incandescent phoenix.
But there’s too much risk, too much failure in that. Too much real.
So, we go home to microwaved meals and Survivor and wishing for the weekend.