Meh.  For the last two weeks I’ve been woman-down. For the last weekend, I’ve been dead.  Drowning in gloop and goo. Coughing like an Alsatian on a choke chain.  Covered in soggy tissues and Vick Vapour Rub (don’t even think about it Vapour man).  All in all?  Not pretty.


Now that I’m faintly recovering, I would like to know who invented lergies?  WHO?  Because I’d like to give them a stern talking to.  I’d like to breathe my wheezy, bubbling breath all over them, and question what they possibly could have been thinking. 

Feeling like someone filled your lungs with cement and you nasal cavities with mashed slug is not fun.  No. Not at all, thank you very much.  Flying on an aeroplane with congested sinuses is painful.  Trying to contain the dripping mucus that flows from your nose at inopportune moments is embarrassing.  Sweating like a paedophile at a school sports day is unbecoming of a lady. Rasping and growling like Janis Joplin after a bender makes me sound like a tranny. 

This is not cool.  I’m sick of being sick. I’d like it to stop now. 


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20 thoughts on “lergy

  1. Tyger Katt says:

    Apparently going for a swim in the ocean and ‘sniffing in’ salt water sorts it out in a jiffy. Personally I’ve never tried it but if you do, let me know how it goes. 😛

  2. Tyger Katt says:

    Oh yes, mashed slugs? Very descriptive!

  3. kyknoord says:

    Don’t think I’ve ever come across an aeroplane with congested sinuses, but I’ll be sure to avoid them if I do.

  4. vapour says:

    Shame Dolce! You poor thing. I tell you what send me your breasts and I’ll look after them until you feel up to it again. Just doing my bit, being neighbourly and all.

  5. 302 says:

    no remorse! only when you’ve hit that stage when you are willing to make a pact with whatever and whoever and you are prepared to promise that you’ll change your ways for a healthy disposition only then will the 1000 violins stop playing for you and we can intellectualise…if i’m healthy enough.

    but this just sounds like you took a left turn when you should have taken a right to the land of good ol’ fashioned malingering and your 30 day sick leave cycle.

  6. My condolences. Just know that Spring is around the corner. Then you can trade the dreaded lergy for allergies and still be surrounded by tissues. Meanwhile, Fall is fast approaching here, and we will soon be in the middle of cold and flu season. Lovely.

  7. daisyfae says:

    ick. when the ‘nose goblins’ let loose – and my poor nostrils are red and raw from endless scrapes with sandpaper tissue – i have been known to simply stuff kleenex up there to absorb it before it can hit the desk, floor, dog or other innocent bystanders.

    my children have told me that they see it as a glimpse of me as a very old, batty woman. but hey, it’s practical.

    speaking of which, if you’ve got lung-butter, you need antibiotics.

  8. Pete says:

    Sorry about the nasty lergies. Good to get it out of your system in time for spring. Maybe a bit of spring-cleaning? Hope you feel better soon.

  9. Dolce says:

    aaaaaaaaw guys….

    @ Katya > you’re the third person to mention a salt fix…one thought a “nose bidet” would be a good idea. Ja. Ok.

    @ Katya again > *cackle*

    @ Kyk > Grammatasickitis is one of the symtoms…smart arse!

    @ Vapour > Strangely enough, my breasts are fine. But thanks darlin’

    @ 302 > Do.Not.Tempt.Me….and who should I be bargining with?

    @ Silverstar > Oh, we had the most beeeeooootiful weekend. AND the most beeeeooooouuutiful Monday…I was just sick in bed. *sigh*

    @ Dais > can you believe it, I know. I know. And I just couldn’t get to the doc to get them. Now I’m kinda on the mend. And so wondering if I should bother. God, I’m tired of the hacking and hoarking though. Yuck.

    @ Pete > Typical man. Expects me to clean while I’m sick. Hurrrumph!

  10. vapour says:

    Thank god for that! I didn’t sleep a wank last night.

  11. nursemyra says:

    hot lemon juice and honey. liberal splash of whiskey. someone to rub the vicks well into your chest……

    wishing you all these things and good health too x

  12. Jenty says:

    Glad you’re back! Hope you’re feeling better, take No2 tissue salts for recovery, it’ll make your recovery faster.

  13. Seraphine says:

    awww that sounds miserable. i’m just getting
    over pneumonia, so i have at least a little
    sympathy (sympatico) for you. once i was on
    an airplane with another passenger behind
    me who had a bad cold (wheeze *sneeze* cough)
    so i asked the attendant for a different
    seat, but the plane was full, so i tried
    to hold my breath for 3300 miles.

  14. thegnukid says:

    I’d offer a healing hugs and kisses, but don’t want to get close to a lugubriously loogied Dolce… so i’ll just send healing thoughts… heal, girl, heal!

  15. beaverboosh says:

    I got no further than Vicks Vapour Rub and the though of rubbing it on to your chest. Get well soon!

  16. Dolce says:

    UPDATE: It’s actually a rather nasty chest infection. So I’m not actually recovered at all. Just now on serious antibiotics and cortison. And the most disgusting cough syrup. And I still sound like an old ford lazer with a buggered exhaust. Grrr*cough*rrrrr*wheeze*rrrrr! 😦

    @ Vapour > *Rolls eyes*

    @ Ms P > lawd woman, you’re worse than my boss! (I’ll try, I’ll try)

    @ Nurse M > Well, if the Nurse says LB must rub the vicks in, then he must.

    @ Jents > By the time I’m through all these remedies, the flu will be running a thousand miles in the other direction

    @ Seraphina > I hate those tubes of recycled air. Pfooof! Are you better now?

    @ Gnu > you’re right to stay far away…far, far away. This lergy is eeeeevil!

    @ Booosch > Tut tut.

  17. Parenthesis says:

    LOL @ Booosch 🙂

  18. Parenthesis says:

    OJ. Rest. Weeks off work. That’s what you need sista. Hope you feel better soon. Oh, and MD says if you’re a smoker, then this is the time to quit. Seriously, he’s a dear but a pain in this respect .. 🙂

  19. Dolce says:

    @ Ms P > Weeks off work….*weep*…flip. I wish. And I’m proud to say I’ve been an recovering smoker for 5 years. But I think the lungses were permanently scarred, sadly. In fact. The last time I had this this bad was when I did quit. Eish. But thank you.

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