Two days in, and I’m not doing very well. At all. I set my alarm on Monday to get up bright and early, all the better to get to work at an impressive hour. The alarm went off at 7am, I got up. Pottered around wondering why no one else was awake. Headed out into the freezing cold, pitch black day, spotting two foxes on my lonely walk to the station.

Wimbledon station, usually a bustling hub at 8am, was deserted. Riiiiight. I checked my watch. It wasn’t 8am. It was 6 o’clock in the fekkin’ morning. I hadn’t changed my cell phone alarm to UK time, so the 7am SA time that had pinged me out of slumber was actually 5am UK time.

What an EEEEEEeeeejit!*

But I’m a game sort of bird**. I crack on.

So, alarms duly sorted for day two, I woke up at the more amiable hour of 7am UK time this morning. Only to fall down the frikkin’ stairs. London houses are typically narrow and the staircases steep. I was in socks and stumbling downstairs, half asleep, with a very large unwieldy handbag. Clearly, balance is not at its most effective in those situations.

Cue large, spectacular bruises and a very sore bum.

And then this morning, pottering around the office, I stubbed my toe on a large, unexpected piece of floor.


Enough with the pain and humiliation.

On the bright side, I walk down South Park Road to get to the station. Which prompts me to pull my scarf over my head and ask myself in strange voices if Cartman’s mum really was in German Schizer movies.

don't go down *that* road      Pfoeff!

The giggling gets me at least two blocks.***  But the foxes look at me funny.

*Irish for plonker
**Keeerist. I’ve only been here four days and I’ll talking like a right limey.
***don’t have gloves (see * number one). The walk is long. My fingers are not happy.

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15 thoughts on “Eejit

  1. msbetenoir says:

    you know, killing yourself is no way to get sent home! 😛

    what did you do with your 2 extra hours aside from taunt foxes… actually, bring me a fox pup as my souvenir ta 🙂

  2. hisqueen says:

    I’m not sure whats with people falling down stairs…are you trying to one up me?? At least I have someone here to rub my pain away. Do you think Kyk could get his passport back for family emergencies–you know to come take care of you so you do no further harm.
    Are the foxes pretty or the ones that look like hyena’s? Try a Miche Bag…I just got one and love it–It’s not “large and unwielding”. Advice: tape the toe, get a heating pad for future bruises, buy socks w/ slip free stickies on the bottom and invest in a pair of gloves…Time to go home will be here before you know it.
    PS..Speak to Nursemyra about the voices in your head…she may be able to help

  3. daisyfae says:

    best to stop with the falling down, though. folks will start to think you’ve become entangled in the energetic london S&M scene…

  4. kyknoord says:

    *gasp!* You’re a fallen woman. What would your mother say? (Seriously Ms Vita, please take care).

  5. Daemoncoder says:

    Ah yes, perhaps your office has the same style of flooring as this restaurant

  6. Jeanette says:

    LOL, hope you stop falling soon

  7. nursemyra says:

    good advice from HisQueen about the socks that are slip-free. Re: those voices in your head, you could encourage them to be more amusing by drinking vodka for breakfast. But only if you’re wearing those slip-free socks

  8. Dolce says:

    @ Bete > they scream, those foxes, like they’re being murdered. Not so much of a good pet then?

    @ HQ > Thanks mama Queen. I was feeling exceptionally sorry for myself yesterday, so went to bed early and now I’m back to chirpy!

    @ Dais > who told you? It’s a lie! Those pictures don’t prove anything!

    @ Kyk > I’m falling into youuuuUUuuuuu, falling into you…. Oh, kerist on a stick, Noord, you’ve made me go all Celine Dion. *gag*

    @ DC > Old and uneven? TICK! In fact, the desk I’m at today has a distinct slant. I feel like I’m going to roll away from the desk any minute now!

    @ Jents > bloody hell, me toooooo!

    @ Nurse M > I love you Nursie. Your bed side manner is brilliant!

  9. Daemoncoder says:

    Did you miss the link in my last post? The word restaurant is linked to a Rowan Atkinson youtube vid about, amongst other things, deceptively flat floors.

    What I havent figured out yet is how to get embedded links to show up properly on your blog, I dont know if its the black background or something else.

    Maybe my HTML-fu is just not strong enough…

  10. JHBPRINCESS says:

    Ha ha ha… i did something very similar when living in the UK. The time thing that is. I think i might have fallen out of a bus too.

    But anyway – the worse part wasn’t the getting the time wrong, or that i fell out of the bus – it was the fact my family didn’t get the concept of day light saving time. My father would phone me most mornings on his way to work around 7am. And as often as i told him that 7am SA time equalls 5am UK time….

    He didn’t care.

  11. Dolce says:

    @ DC > bugger…I *did* miss it. See, I am an eejit 😉 I heart Rowan. And ja, I think it is the black background. Maybe HTML underline them too? She says, with a wave of her Queenly hand 😉

    @ Princess > Oh, I’ve fallen out of busses too…not clever when it’s a long way down haha. Hell, I’m not getting the concepte of daylight saving…and it fast approaches. Eish.

  12. Sounds like you got to work at an impressive hour all right, but then you couldn’t sit on your bum. Sorry to hear that. It’s because you went south to north, and now everything spins the wrong way or something. Ask Daisy Fae, she did experiments on it on her trip to South America and the Galapagos.

  13. Dolce says:

    @ Silverstar > I remember that! Will have to share evidence!

  14. Seraphine says:

    oh nooo. i’m sorry about your falling down the stairs and also stubbing your toe. both can be quite painful.
    and walking before anyone else is awake is a wonderful time to be out… if you have the freedom to take a mid-afternoon nap. 🙂

  15. Dolce says:

    @ Sera > No naps for me 😦 …but enjoying the walking nevertheless.

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