Show them your cross*

Anger has become my default emotion.  It’s easier.  It’s clean.  A little righteous rage.  It burns everything else up.  Leaves no space for subtlety.  Or levity.  Or depth.

I don’t want to be angry. It’s exhausting.  So abrasive.  I want to be light.  I want to navigate things with patience and compassion.  I want to feel my feet on the ground and my hands in the air.  I want to breathe deep beautiful breaths and unwind myself into something fluid and graceful.  I want to be kind.

But I’m not.  Not today.  And I wonder if it’s because you can really feel anger.  It’s visceral.  Your hands clench.  The muscles jump in your jaw.  There’s a focus to anger, that fills your skin and bites.  And it’s good.

So I stand, and rage.

*Two nuns accosted by demons.  Nun 1 says to Nun 2 ‘oooh, show them your cross’ and Nun 2 says ‘are you sure?’ ‘Yes, yes, show them your cross’, shrieks Nun 1.   So Nun 2 says ‘fuck off you filthy bastards, before you make me <i>really</i> angry”.


22 thoughts on “Show them your cross*

  1. lulu labonne says:

    I love that joke. And I’m sorry you’re angry and sad xx

  2. *offers a cup of tea and a gingernut* xxx

  3. Why is it so much easier to embrace anger than it is joy and forgiveness? Being happy can be such a tiresome effort sometimes. What does that say about the human condition? That our default emotions are destructive?

  4. kono says:

    Sometimes anger is good, not every second of the day but i know i feel alot better after i get it out, more relaxed, serene, whatever you call it. I do like to yell and rant when no ones about though.

  5. nursemyra says:

    I like your joke my lovely xx

  6. twin says:

    baaaahahahahaha!!!! awesome joke. 🙂

  7. Rob says:

    For me, anger slowly simmers internally and builds over time, until something – possibly even unrelated – sets it off and I rage outwardly (mildly to moderately) depending upon the circumstances. Once spent, the anger is gone and I’m back on an even keel.

    I’ve had to develop self controls on anger as the English/Irish side of roots includes a tendency to quick, nasty anger that – for most of my family – has that kind of red out, lose all sensibility aspect to it. That can be quite scary, especially when it leads to physical violence.

    Anger can be a good motivator, but is best not held. The release of venting it is good but just remember what they say about having “too much of a good thing.”

    • Dolce says:

      I used to have a terrible temper as a child. Full on tantrums where I’d destroy whatever was in my path. I learnt to control it, because it scared me more than anyone else. And still does. But now, more dangerously, I turn the anger inward. Which is why I need to find another way to let it go. Because it turns into something worse….like bitterness.

      Eish, being a grown up is a hard thing.

  8. robinaltman says:

    The grief “experts” say that anger is one of the stages that leads to healing. Here’s to anger! *clinks glass*

    • Dolce says:

      *cackle* I was actually thinking that in the car the other day. Maybe I’ll blog my denial and acceptance moments too. Fuck, I HATE being such a cliche.

  9. egadfly says:

    Anger. Like flame blasting through dim and dusty places, incinerating the broken and the obsolete. Making way for something new.

    Enjoy it!

    Though not for longer than it’s needed.


    • Dolce says:

      Like what the fynbos needs to grown again? I like that idea. Ok. So just a big fuckin’ burn fest, and then we wait for the new shoots? I’m in!

  10. Anger. A righteous and real emotion, fiercely demanding acknowledgement. It can be used and channeled — into weeding as I do, or into wonderful poetic words as you are doing.’

    Somewhere I was reading I saw written words to the effect that you don’t get to choose which emotions you feel. You get all of them, or none. So if you want the joys and loves and ecstasy, you have to let the anger and despair rage through. as gently as may be.

    Blessed be and thank you for your comment on my blog.

    • Dolce says:

      Anger can be useful indeed – I find it VERY useful on a treadmill, for example. Which is why I train with a lot of heavy metal 🙂

      And as for the comment. I’ve heard the stories. That one is only interested in its own reality. Not worth it. Just not worth it.

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