Note to self.

Don’t do the following when you’re deep in the sads.  They won’t make you feel better.  They’ll make you feel worse.

  1. Eat your body weight in carbs.
  2. Watch all 6 series of 24.  In a row.
  3. Fuck the neighbour.
  4. Listen to the bitch in your head.
  5. Stalk your ex-lovers on the internet

All of these things will make you feel less than. Not more.

So, please, if you’re feeling miserable, rather…

  1. Swim in the sea
  2. Walk on the prom
  3. Frootle about in your garden
  4. Read a book
  5. Croon kind things to yourself.

Because you’re lovely.  And you know, when you’re strong, that you’re the strongest girl you know.  You’ve just lost yourself on this lonely, bleak road.  And when you find where you’re going, you’ll find your way back.

So take a deep breath, ok?  You’re going to be fine.

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28 thoughts on “Note to self.

  1. daisyfae says:

    you are lovely! do you skype? we should skype. i miss your gorgeous face. and we can sit in our underwear and NOT eat our weight in carbs. grapes maybe…

  2. Brian says:

    My neighbor is icky, so there’s that …

  3. nursemyra says:

    Frootling sounds good. Putting in new plants and watching them grow is therapeutic xx

    • Dolce says:

      I’ve also been inciting a massacre. On the stink bugs. I now have a large jar of meths into which they get chucked, as punishment for eating the buds on things. Gives me enormous satisfaction. And I squeal in horror a lot. Not actually all that good with bugs. But it makes me feel fierce and brave. Emotions in short supply otherwise.

  4. I don’t even know my neighbors. I’m anti-social. Otherwise known as the “barrier method.”

    I’m a queen of do-nots 1, 4 and 5. And this reminds me, I’ve been meaning to watch 24.

    But … I do believe you’re going to be fine. Nursie and Daisy speak so highly of you, and I believe every word.

    • Dolce says:

      Aah, thank you. I bloody well hope so. I’m normally not terribly into pills. But on thsi occassion, I can’t wait to start swallowing the things. Bring it on!

      And 24 is ok. Not brilliant. I’d rather watch Game of Thrones. Or Spartacus. Or True Blood.

  5. kono says:

    I thought that said “eat your weight in crabs”, of which i’ve been known to do and i do love eating pills but usually they are not prescribed… we all get lost, i know, i wandered the wilderness for years and sometimes i still don’t think i’ve made it out, sometimes i know i haven’t, that i stand on the edge of it wandering in and out of it playing a dangerous game, take the pills, swim in the sea (my personal favorite), read books and war with the stink bugs (another of my past-times), i tried to kill myself for 3 years, maybe not consciously but i tried and now every day when i wake-up i take a deep breath and smile even if i don’t want to, as my father once said to me “life is hard but it sure beats the alternative”, just something to remember…

  6. lululabonne says:

    I ate my weight in crabs once which didn’t make me miserable, bur then I slept with my neighbour and caught crabs which did …

  7. twin says:

    swim (naked) in the sea….

  8. Sounds like you’re on the right track to me: it took me years and years to disbelieve that nasty little person with a big stick who lives in my head and tells me I’m bad, bad, bad.
    I remember very clearly sitting on my bed one day when she started up. I had been practising observing and questioning my thoughts, watching the thinker in me.
    I asked myself what had I done that day to deserve being called bad, stupid, etc etc. I examined my day and found no reason for ‘her’ to be berating me so. I shouted out loud, ‘SHUT UP!’.

    I realised that this voice would rant at me in the same way regardless of what I had done or not done and decided that therefore it lied and I was not going to believe it anymore.
    She still tries it on occasionally but her voice is so much quieter and she is far easier to dismiss.

    Your positive things to do list is great, walking amd sunshine both raise serotonin levels.

    You write so well, Dolce, I love your written voice. x

  9. I just thought of something else – it’s unlikely that your mood will improve in a straight upward line. Don’t fret too much if it goes up and then back down a little, it will go back up again. Think ‘positive trend’. X

    • Dolce says:

      Thank you Syncie. I also wonder where this voice came from. Why is she so cruel? Who’s voice is she mimicing? I’ve tried rationalising it all away, but you’re right. Telling her to shut the fuck up might be the better option.

      I’ll be the chick in the middle of the shopping mall shouting “shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!” (white coat anyone?? :))

  10. Rob says:

    Yes, yes, yes, the second list sounds ever so much better.

    Thanks for stopping ’round my place, too. Good to see you out and about!

  11. I wouldn’t watch 24 at all. Not that I know what it is about since I haven’t watched any of it ever.

    What’s wrong with the neighbor??? Oh wait, that probably has a backstory I don’t know…

    • Dolce says:

      I MUCH prefer True Blood 🙂

      And there is a backstory…in that he’s a bit of a serial shagger, and I’m a bit too raw to be dealing with casual sex…need love/tenderness.

      • Casual sex can be good, but if what you need is love, tenderness and depth of feeling, it certainly leaves a lot to be desired. Trust me, in my youth I was a serial shagger (love that term) for many reasons, and I much prefer the deep monogamy I enjoy now. Even though now that we are nearing sixty the frequency has dropped, the quality has not and I find it deeply satisfying. Plus the connection and support we give each other elsewhere is also good.

        At your depth of depression I know that sometimes things can just feel so hopeless, so I offer you the experience we have here of a 30 year connection that is just getting better and which has weathered storms (and depression) as evidence that there is hope.

        Know that there are people in the world who have never met you but who care about you even so.

  12. Flutter says:

    Whoohooo! You’re finding your “happy” things!:-)

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