The upside

One of the strange upsides to the Big D has been an increase in empathy.  I used to suffer from random bouts of jealousy and shadenfreude.  I say “suffer” because I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who could rejoice in the simple happiness of others.  But the old comparison game is too tempting.

Now I just find I’m just genuinely glad if other people are happy / in love / have a fascinating new job / are pregnant / getting married / having buckets of great sex / having an adventure etc.  Because those things are fab.  You’d think, with the recent wallowing in meh, that I’d be even more pitiful in my internal bleatings about the great unfairness of it all.  Instead, my sad heart blooms with love and something I can only describe as a kind of soft, gentle pleasure that others can enjoy what I seem to be unable to.

How odd.  I hope, in all of this, that this side-affect stays when the sun comes back.


21 thoughts on “The upside

  1. Rox says:

    Glad there is an upside. I have had some upsides and downsides with the Big D, but I think one of the biggest upsides for me was learning how to recognise the signs. More importantly, to also tell somone – anyone – before things slide again.

    Also starting to appreciate the little things so much more. Things sometimes start to get muted, and have to work that much harder to keep my zen from vannishing. I like to think of it like the Nothing in the Neverending Story… have to find that one last grain of zen!

    Will email you the rest of what I wanted to say. 😉


    • Dolce says:

      Did you see the twitter / FB link to the video of people from the burning man fest speaking the Seuss “Oh the Places You’ll Go?” Definitely Zen booster.


  2. nursemyra says:

    If you can see the upside of things, maybe you can persuade me that the new uniform I have to wear to work is a good thing. At least it matches my violet hair.

  3. Rose petals amongst the thorns, then.

  4. daisyfae says:

    hoping that it sticks around… and being able to find a smile or two from many sources can’t hurt. and perhaps it’s a glimmer that you realize that you can experience these joys again…

  5. Rob says:

    It’d be good for the empathy to permanently replace the comparison thing. The former can be a gateway of sorts, I think, to more things positive, but the latter is sort of a highway to hell, imo. Keep smiling. Or, as my one sis-in-law was always fond of saying, “Fake it ’til you make it.”

    • Dolce says:

      I’m not convinced by this fake it ti’l you make it stuff. I’ve been doing that for two years. And now I’m a basket case. Sometimes a bit less fake is in order. But I get the sentiment.

  6. I’m not one for jealousy (although I am only human or, possibly, cat), but I tend to relate most to the old Gershwin song “But Not For Me.”

    “They’re writing songs of love, but not for me …”

  7. Louisa says:

    I’m not trying to piss you off my throwing cliches your way…but hang in there. Everything is going to be okay. Take whatever time you need for your big sad, and don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for doing it.

  8. Flutter says:

    That’s really beautiful. I read somewhere once that to experience absolute joy you have to know infinite sadness. Joy is always just around the corner if we look for it. But you know, even if it isn’t, you’re going just fine because you get that.

    • Dolce says:

      There’s alot out there about choosing to be happy. which I agree with most of the time. But when the chemicals kick in, it’s hard to make the choice.

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