“Your whole idea about yourself is borrowed– borrowed from those who have no idea of who they are themselves.” Osho

Sometimes I feel like I’ve been stitched together from other people’s expectations and that if I unpicked the stitching, I’d unravel completely.


25 thoughts on “Borrowed

  1. Not too keen on this Osho dude, Mr Rajneesh of the dubious sexual ideological practices and the multiple Rolls Royces. Why the need to to change his name, I wonder?

    Nevertheless I feel there is a modicom of truth in that quote. Which actually makes me even more suspicious – Scientology does something similar, mixes some spiritual truths up with a whole lot of ridiculous and damaging nonsense. Damn you, Mr Hubbard!
    You will unstitch your bonds and not fall apart, you will set the real you free. At least that’s what I believe. Take heart! The journey will most likely be painful but the rewards are bigger than the pain. Again, that’s just what I believe. Others will surely disagree. X X

    • Dolce says:

      I didn’t actually even look the guy up…just found the quote and it spoke to me. I think you’re right though…the unstitching allows for some kind of re-design. 🙂

  2. daisyfae says:

    i’m offering a hug. ms. synchy offered far more valuable insights than i could possibly muster… xoxo

  3. Amanda says:

    I believe if you did unravel, you’d gather the ends and craft something unspeakably bold and amazing.

  4. nursemyra says:

    I too am concerned that you’re quoting Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh.

    Take heart darling. Like the phoenix, your true self will rise again xx

  5. P.S. I love that photo. Did you make that image?

    • Dolce says:

      Hey Syncy…no, I’m a very bad blogger and stole it from the internet without remembering to capture the source. Been on my desktop for ages, waiting for the right post. I found it on a tumblr, I think, so even then, the source would be dubious.

  6. Brought up to fulfil the expectations of others I was a subservient mess for years. Aged 50 I decided to live my own life. The cutting away of the excess baggage had its painful times but by the end of a journey to an unknown destination I found I rather like the “me” that has been revealed.

    Good luck with your journey

    • Dolce says:

      I think your ‘you’ is rather fab too. I’ve always resisted the expectations of others, but in damaging rebellion, not in finding my own way. I’m happy with this journey too.

  7. Speaking as a quilter and a person who loves fabric, I think that if you pick out the stitches you will find that the pieces are whole, and newly liberated to be laundered, mended (if necessary) and then arranged in the pattern of your own choosing. If there are parts that don’t fit you or your new idea, you can set them aside for future projects or discard them. And for pieces you love and that you find authentically you, you can trim the frayed edges and reshape them to incorporate them in the picture if you so desire. Or you can dye them. Or go out and find new pieces that please you more. (That shopping expedition could be a lot of fun!)

    As far as this Osho’s statement goes, I will only say he should speak for himself and not for me. Or you.

    • Dolce says:

      Love your metaphor of the quilt. I had a patchwork skirt once, that I absolutely loved. When it was time to throw it away, I gave it to a quilter, who unstitched it and used parts of it for her art. I loved that thought of recycled beauty. Mmmm….thinking….

  8. Rob says:

    I’ve rolled this around in my mind for several days now and I still haven’t quite grasped a response.

    Reading the comments above, I guess I can articulate that the Osho quote does not resonate and that my own experience rhymes with Ærchie’s except for the subservient part and that I found the decision to live my own life on my terms at a somewhat younger age.


    • Dolce says:

      It’s interesting….this common notion that we’re all on a journey to the most authentic self we can be (oh, fuck, I sound like Oprah). I think the Osho quote resonates with me because for most of my life, I’ve been taken aback by the assumptions people have made about me…the expectations they have of me because of what I’m like on the outside….and to a degree, I’ve built a sense of self around feeding those expectations because it’s been easier than letting people in to see the real me. Make sense?

      But, I suppose the key bit in the blog is in the ‘sometimes’. It’s more of an observation of a moment, than a statement of fact.

      • Rob says:

        That does make sense. I can see where it would be easier, although it makes one wonder why it can be difficult to allow others to see and know the “real” us. Probably because we fear allowing others in only to have them hurt us, could be one reason.

        In apparent contrariness to my earlier statement, I have become less interested in making friendships as I have gotten older. I have many acquaintances but few friends, mostly because I am disinclined to reveal enough of “me” to give someone else “power” over me. I guess you call that guarded.

        I suppose this is a little off the topic. It’s funny where the thought processes go though, isn’t it?

        I *am* glad to hear the “sometimes” bit in your reply.

        Be well Dolce.

        • Dolce says:

          I speak only for myself….of course…but I think we also fear that what we often see as our authentic selves (the in-my-head voice that spews vitriol and self doubt and narcissism and shadenfreud etc) will be the person others see when I let them in. Of course, when I do, they often reflect the best me, which is in turn intimidating…oh fuck, I need to think less and run more. More running.

  9. surftwin says:

    I once, myself, tried to pull the stitching……it wasn’t a simple baste.

  10. Punyam says:

    today i did research about the above quote and found also this site and finally this – where the quote can be found, almost in the end – once upon a time a person “caspar vogel” ask osho a question about zen:

    Track #15 of the Series, Philosophia Ultima
    A Zen saying is: Better to see the face than to hear the words. Wouldn’t it be better to see the face and to hear the words?

    “Casper Vogel,

    “It is one thing to understand words, it is a totally different experience to understand the statements made by mystics. The words are simple. Anybody can understand them, but the implications can be understood only by those who have experienced the same kind of consciousness out of which those words have flowed.

    “This Zen saying is one of the most significant sayings: Better to see the face…

    “By ‘the face’ is meant your original face – not the face that is reflected in the mirror, not the face this is reflected in other people’s eyes, but the face that you had even before your parents were born, the face that you will have when your body has gone back to the dust, when you are dead.”

    “‘The original face’ is a Zen way of speaking about your spiritual reality, about your innermost truth, about your individuality. The face that you are acquainted with is your personality. The word personality comes from a Greek root persona. Persona means a mask.

    “Personality is a mask, and you don’t have one personality either, you have many, for different purposes. You are continuously changing your personalities every moment. As the situation changes, your personality changes. Your mask is not one, there are many masks. When you are in need and you approach a friend, you have a different face. when your friend is in need and he approaches you, you have a totally different face. These two faces are not the same at all, and for each situation you have a mask appropriate for it. and amidst this crowd of masks your original face is lost. You are more concerned with what people say about you. Why? – because their eyes, their opinions, their ideas give you your face. Your face is borrowed. If somebody says you are beautiful, you are happy. If somebody says you are ugly, disgusting, you are unhappy.

    “Your face is dependent on what others say about you. If they call you a saint you start flying above the clouds. And if they call you a sinner, you are crushed below the earth. You don’t know who you are, hence so much concern with other’s opinions, so much concern with mirrors.

    “Your whole idea about yourself is borrowed – borrowed from those people who have no idea who they are themselves. It is a very strange world, very insane.

    “The saying can be understood very easily. That’s what Casper Vogel has done, he thinks he understands.

    Better to see the face than to hear the words.

    “Thinking that he has understood it, he asks

    Wouldn’t it be better to see the face and to hear the words?

    “Once you have seen the original face there is no need to hear the words. The original face is encountered only in absolute silence. words have no business there. Words are left far behind, far away. You have to go beyond the mind, only then can you see the face.”

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